Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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