Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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