I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
