the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize