He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
