You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
