New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
