I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
