WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize