Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hippo gnu deer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
