Too much gin, very little bucket
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize