apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
