Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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