I murdered the dance floor call the cops
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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