my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
