Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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