the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize