I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
