I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
