Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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