Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize