The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
