I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
