Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
