I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize