If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
