I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's never too late to be topless.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize