Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
