woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
