i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize