Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
