You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
