I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
