We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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