Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
