Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
