I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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