They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
