Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
