Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
