i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i think i just lost a toe
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
