But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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