the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
