is your mom at the bar?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I puked a lego.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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