Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
