The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The uberlube is also flammable
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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