your parents love me but you hate me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
