Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
