Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
