even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do cheetos always look like penises
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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