i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
