I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
