i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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