google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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