The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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