My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
