So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
