If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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