So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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