if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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