yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
