i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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