im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize