OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
