I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
