dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
