It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
