i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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