I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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