TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
