Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
