new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
