Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
