ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
