hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
