help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize