Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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