Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
