Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
