Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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